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Growing up I was an anxious kid. Anxious in my body, and anxious in my mind. I dreaded school and home life was tough. My escape from the realirty of life came in the form of maladaptive daydreaming. I would live out life in my head, I'd have a differnet name, I'd look and act different, I had imaginary friends and be confident and feel important. This was a stark difference to how I was in real life.
This daydreaming allowed me to cope with life as it was at teh time. I could escape reality somehwat by daydreaming. The use of imagination for a kid is a common coping behaviour in those who are struggling with anxiety (Cleveland Clinic, 2022).
Now, you might ask, what makes daydreaming so maladaptive for a kid or indeed an adult? It comes down to a number of factors:
Intensity - detail and vividness of the daydreaming
Complexity - detailed plots & characters
Duration - frequency of daydreaming and period of time which the daydreaming persists
Intent - Intention of the daydreaming i.e to escape reality)
Disconnection from whats going on around us in life
For me, I was daydreaming constantly, everything felt like it took place in my daydreams and not in the physical world. My intention with daydreaming was to escape reality, to feel something and at times I didnt care if that feeling was happiness, love or pain and suffering. I wanted to feel alive and to do this the plots in the daydreams where complex and detailed. I had a script of what would unfold, places, names, times, I could see everything vividly.
At the time I was just trying to cope, but I didn't know that this maladaptive daydreaming would make my situation even worse. This coping mechanism was further isolating me and hurting me. I recall a dark period of time in my teenage years where the daydreaming consisted of me developing a detailed plot with the intention of creating feelings of hurt, pain, embarassment and abandonment within me. This in itself is a form of self-harm.
At the time I was experiencing high levels of anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation. These dark plots helped me feel again, because if I didn't develop this plot and live it out in my daydreaming then I would just remain numb and this numb feeling felt like I didn't exist.
It has taken along time for me to ever speak about the daydreaming as a coping mechanism. It also took along time to begin the healing journey to stop practicing these maladaptive coping mechanism. Speaking with a therapist really helped in the process of understanding this behaviour as a coping mechanism. I always felt as a teenager that I was the only one did this, and this added to my feelings of shame, guilt, and an overall feeling of being different to others.
Reflecting back I wish I was able to understand what was going on and I wish I coul have spoke to someone about this, but thats not how it played out. For those reading this, I would like to provide some tips on how to approach and resolve this maladapive daydreaming. I'd also like to mention that this blog post is made from a place of life experience and not from a pressional stand point. So, what tips would I give to try and reduce this coping mechanism of daydreaming:
Find the root cuase of the problem - this is key, once we know the root cuase of a problem we can then work to resolve it. Try sitting in a quiet place and think about your day to day life experiences. I know this may be a very hard thing to do but trust me it is worth the time and effort. Next, write down what you like, dislike, what makes you uncomfortable, what stresses you out and so on. What feelings are coming up. Do you feel anxiety, depression, self-hate. Try and pinpoint what is cuasing these things. I would highly recommend a book on CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). This is an amazing therapy for those experiencing anxiety, I say this from personal experience. Here is a link to a CBT book which I used as a teenager. The book is by Gillian Butler.
My next tip would be to reach out to a therapist and get booked in. From personal experience therapy is amazing. Don't get me wrong, it's alot of work, it's draining, but I can tell you that it is MORE than worth the effort and time. It will change your life for good. I would suggest checking out the 'Better Help' website where you can find information about their online services. Better Help provide an online service which is useful for those leading a busy life. They also have many therapists and they work to match people up with a suitable therapist. Therapy has changed my life more than once and I know it is a key factor in exploring ourselves.
For those who are not in a place to afford therapy I also have some things which I include in my own ' positive mental health strategy' . First, exercise everyday. This may only be a ten minute walk outside but it really does make a difference. At times when experiencing depression, a run or even a walk felt overwhelming. I told myself to just go outside, walk to the end of the road and then come back. Even this small bit of movement is helping your body, its pumping the blood around your body, its bringing in new fresh oxygen from nature into your brain. Also, write about your experiences. It doesnt have to be an essay, a few short lines or keywords about how you feel is more than enough. This will allow you to monitor your mood over time also and it will be easier to see any patterns. Lastly, eating clean, nutritious food is a key factor in helping yourself when struggling with your mental health. Doing your best to choose veg, fruit, rices, meat instead of junk food is great. In saying this please don't ever be hard on yourself for indulging in food when experiencing mental ill health. We do what we need to do to cope and when we are capable we will make the changes to be healthier. :)
My last tip would be to seek out platforms such as 50808, Samaratain & Pieta House. Having numbers or contact details for these helplines is important so that if the time comes you have the details there and dont need to figure out who you should contact for support. Look them up online and pop their numbers into your phone. :)
I hope this blog has been helpful in identifying maladaptive daydreaming and getting some tips for coping with mental ill health if you are struggling. I would like to say lastly that we are all valuable and important in this wrld we live in. We all have a purpose here and we all have the right to feel happy and at peace. We all deserve to get teh help we need and to not feel ashamed for experiencing mental ill health.
You are needed in this world and I am sending you love, hope and peace. Take care and share this blog with anyone you may feel would benifit from reading it. :)
Love, Hope & Peace,
Aeiko
Resources:
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